Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Happy Halloween and All the Drama
So the girls benefit from having their Mims nearby....cause she is WAY more creative than I am....I create things by throwing money at the problem and purchasing what I need....she creates.....she (shudder) scrapbooks.....something that I have nightmares about, cause that is way too create for me.So this year she helped the girls create little gifts for their classmates.......go Mims....cutsey cups of candy, I'm scared to think of what Christmas will bring.....
So this is what I walked into after work......where I was tasked with planning our work party for the kids of my company, yeah parties rock...
Labels: About me, family smamily, girls
Monday, October 29, 2007
I guess you could call it hiking....
So about 20 minutes from the house there is this mountain.... I love this mountain.... makes me feel like one of the Walton's except I wear makeup and high heels....... which would make the slutty Walton cousin...... something to think about..... anyway... so we girls spent Sunday on the mountain, not Walton mountain, our mountain....The views are killer, I spend alot of time taking nature shots that I swear I'll frame in my house and never do. I'm quite lazy that way. But I can't resist my girls....
Labels: Duchess, family smamily, gas, girls, Princess In All Her Glory
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The Usual
Saturdays are usually really busy days for us. Except now that fall soccer is over, we have gotten a little break in the action, until Princess' Nutcracker practices geared up strong. So now we are up and moving on Saturday mornings getting her to and from practice....So we got up and headed out this morning, but Duchess missed her breakfast....so after dropping off P we stopped for reinforcements....watermelon slushie and powered donuts (my parents skills are awesome huh?) This is what happens when you allow the kid to pick out her own breakfast, not sure what I was thinking but it wasn't of the dental bills.
So when I asked what she wanted as I filled up my Big Gulp of Dr. Pepper, she replied, "the usual"....I thought only old people had an usual..you know the ones who go to the same place to eat for years and only order the same thing, hence "the usual". Apparently I was wrong....I was informed that this is now her "usual", no more FOX news in the morning for Duchess, her vocab is really expanding too quickly, when she used the word propaganda the other day should have been my first clue that perhaps Dora is a better morning program...
So Mims tries to assist Duchess in clean up, cause I was giggling and doing my best to get pictures, this is important, to preserve moments like this for high school humiliation.....senior yearbook style...
Labels: dr. pepper, Duchess, girls, Princess In All Her Glory
Thursday, October 25, 2007
My Ass Went Shopping
No seriously, I took my ass shopping today. See work is tossing together a lovely Halloween party for all the firm's kids....there's alot...so I am in charge or buying a shopping cart full of food, candies and goodies/toy/crap they don't need.....So I went to the local craft store expecting some good deals.....none but while shopping there I noticed that the aisles are smaller there than my usual shopping grounds. So I scooched in (is scooched a word?) and while digging through the 60% off racks I bent over and my ass literally cleared a whole shelf of lite up pumpkins.......a whole freaking shelf. Cause see I kinda rolled with the action thus ensuring the whole shelf falling to the floor.
I was shocked, embarrassed and pissed off until I realized that the shelf on my ass was wholly responsible for the accident. Then I was upset and shocked and embarrassed and pissed off at my ass fat. So I left....the whole store, with the pumpkins on the floor....
My ass is going to boot camp tomorrow.......aka it's time to loose the ass shelf.......
Or get a bigger paycheck to cover all my ass shopping.....
Labels: About me, yes I am...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Princess Rocks!
Well today was report card day, apparently we get real grades here, unlike Cali where we got :) or :( or "untried".....So Math:
Then Science:
Then Social Studies:
Labels: family smamily, Princess In All Her Glory
Oh My Heck
Since moving to our new snowy mountain home, I've held my tongue and tried to contain my thoughts and opinions about my neighbors....why? This is a great question, specially since I'm not really known for my "keeping my mouth shut" qualities. Well it's like this....I'm surrounded by Mormons. Not just a few, everybody.When we moved here, the hubs and I were thrilled at the thought of leaving the coastal sunshine for a "family" place to raise our girls. However, as soon as we told people what area we were moving to, it was immediately "So when will you get those extra wives?" or even better "You'll hate it, they suck!" Yeah, fun times, people are so sweet.
So we moved here. They are so family oriented. They are genuinely nice. They keep to themselves. These are all great perks, however it also means, their family are their fellow church members, not the new Southern Baptist family who moved in down the block. They are genuinely nice, really. The keep to themselves always....and their kids do too......
And now I'll share with you how you'll know you're in Mormon country.....but your not Mormon.
- When you shop on Saturday at Super Walmart and inadvertently say Fuck, it will clear the aisle....
- When your neighbors throw a block party and you aren't invited.....
- When your neighbors leave weekly fliers on your vehicles and door knobs regarding Family Improvement night at the church.....
- When you go to your kids new school and attempt to see the principal and get asked to send your husband to see him.....
- When your kids teacher asks your kid how many brothers and sisters are at home (cause really they don't care anywhere else) and your kid says just one more and the teacher is shocked speechless!
- When you shop at Walmart on a Sunday and it's you and the crickets in the parking lot (they don't shop at all on Sunday....hello mall!!!!)
- When all local businesses and the MALLS are closed on Sundays.....
- When your kids asks you why we're not LSD (I swear!!!).....
- When you learn not to bother waiting in line, you just drop the f-bomb, they will make room for you at the front of the line......(I'm just evil)
- When you realize that not every Mormon has fourteen wives, 99% of them have just one
- When you realize that the two women in front of you in line are indeed part of the 1%, and yes most do dress in prairie garb.....
- When you house hunt in areas by parking the car on the side of the street in a neighborhood and smoke a cigarette, if no one comes out on their porch to stare, its a maybe......
- When a person realizes that you're not Mormon and suddenly wants to know everything about why you don't agree with doctorine....theirs......although they are really nice about once they realize that you do believe in something.....
- When during a job interview you realize that the person is actually blood kin to Marie Osmond, cause come on.... that is just cool!!! "Meet me in Montana!"
- When your kids' live in a neighborhood full of kids and yet they only have each other to play with.... that saddens me like crazy
- When a well meaning person encourages you to enroll your kids in the church primary school (I'm guessing like sunday school) so that it will solve the no friends problem....
- When the first words out of a cops mouth are "Yeah we go to church together, sorry she hit your car"......
- They don't curse which just makes me the damn sore thumb, oh but they do say "OMH" as in oh my heck.....(warning: that phrase is addictive)
- When you mention hellfire and brimstone and they don't flinch....is that just a southern baptist thing....oh and I love our church here, nondenominational but I miss the yelling...
These are the hand full of unique problems we've ran into living here, but still I love living here. I love my work, my co-workers are the most professional people I have ever worked with AND they put family first. The major pull is the snowy mountains and clean fresh air....just don't breathe near me...So any experiences that you might have had or if you're Mormon I'd love the feedback on how you find living around non-Mormons.....
Labels: About me, Welcome to the Boonies
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Yep, Gonna Pimp Them Out
Once again I was left feeling miserably unworthy......as I can't carry a tune in a bucket, much less on a piano, xylophone, or guitar......The Man was gearing up for a business trip out of town and instead of matching his own socks and packing his "undies" he had a fam jam session going.Princess has her own guitar and is slowly learning the chords, while Duchess has the fake piano and just makes a lot of noise......me, I was reading J.D. Robb, get off my butt.
Labels: family smamily, military life as a wife
Friday, October 19, 2007
Rocking Out
What's the cure for a long day..... the Hope4AHeadache Band..Pass the Excedrin Migrane...quick.....
I'm gonna send them on tour...ain't they cute?
Oh and that bedspread is not part of my kids' decor, I swear, I'm washing her bedding and that's an extra blanket, I swear......Seriously, I promise....
Labels: Duchess, family smamily, girls, Princess In All Her Glory
Thursday, October 18, 2007
1. What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now?
The only kind my freakishly sensitive skin can hang with: Olay
2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No, but at a recent fancy arse anniversary dinner I got served a palate cleanser shotglass of watermelon juice with pureed pineapples, yum......just needed booze......
3. What would you change about your living room?
I would add more little homey touches, more baskets and wood vases and accents. But I have a horrible fear of dusting so it's a little sparse.....
4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean, I'm horribly anal about my kitchen (I can't wait to see what ads pop up for that phrase)
5. What is in your fridge?
Everything! Stuff for lasanga, homemade soup, veggies and salad dressing, lemonaide pie, left over taco salad fixings and milk/soda/juice of every kind.
6. White or wheat bread?
Kids will only eat the freakishly white wonder bread, but I prefer the grainy wheat bread
7. What is on top of your refrigerator?
A wooden picnic basket filled with medicines and first aid stuff
8. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Glass shower doors
9. How many plants are in your home?
Two little ones on my mantle over the fireplace that I haven't managed to kill.... yet
10. Is your bed made right now?
Yes, but The Man and Princess are discussing the "Pull My Finger" game.......I'm stripping the bed asap
11. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Scrubbing Bubbles baby!
12. Is your closet organized?
Only in my wildest dreams
13. Can you describe your flashlight?
I'm pretty sure that we have alot of those around here but I can't recall.......
14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
We started off with plastic, cause we were poor ole military folks....then we got a little money and went to glass.....then our kids got old enough to fed themselves and we went back to plastic, which didn't stop me from purchasing The Man some special super duper sized man glasses and then breaking each one slowly.....so all plastic, cause we're classy
15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
Sweet tea is a must here.....we make three pitchers a day.......which explains why we all run around like we're on crack all day
16. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No, our garage is perfectly organized and tasteful...I could entertain in there it's so stinking nice. The Man refuses to allow anything to be out of place there..... it's his domain
17. Curtains or blinds?
Blinds in every room, curtains over the big arse open polar bear's arse of a window in my dining room and livingroom.......cause it snows here and I lose heat.....and I'm a freak cause that drives me nuts, the meer thought of losing precious heat.....
18. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 if I'm lucky, The Man is a pillow stealer
19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
Nite-lights everywhere, freaking kids!
20. How often do you vacuum?
As little as possible
21. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard
22. What color is your toothbrush?
Pink for me, orange for The Man (he stole my extra), Barbie for Duchess and Princess lost hers and has been sneaking mine, gross.......
23. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
Yep, a lovely thick one with the fleur-de-lis design....I love that design, you'll find it often in my house.
24. What is in your oven right now?
A cast iron skillet
25. Is there anything under your bed?
A bow case, some dust bunnies and Christmas gifts
26. Chore you hate doing the most?
Dusting....thinking about it makes me ill
27. What retro items are in your home?
The pie safe in my dining room (hi mom), the crockery on it, the pottery in my livingroom, oh crap, alot.......
28. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
We did but it's now in my bedroom as we lost of office when my mom and the photo elusive step-dad moved into the apartment in my basement....however, my next house will have an office.....I swear.....
29. How many mirrors are in your home?
A ton, my dining room is decorated in antique mirrors.......they are in every room
30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Money, extra money? What's that? I have a kid in the Nutcracker and a hunter in the house....I don't have extra money?
31. What color are your walls?
The entire house is a pale lovely butter color......nice
32. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
None of your business, but we'll NEVER belong to PETA so I guess that answers your question.
33. What does your home smell like right now?
I have a sick kid, does that bring a smell to mind? Seriously the house smells like creme burlee, thanks to my Circle E candles.......shipped all the way from TEXAS!
34. Favorite candle scent?
Read #33
35. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Sweet bread and butter
36. What color is your favorite Bible?
The color of good warm whiskey........that's wrong isn't it?
37. Ever been on your roof?
Not this house....but every other house I've lived in as the military housing requires that you clean the outside of 2nd and 3rd story windows......I'm surprised I've lived this long
38. Do you own a stereo?
Yeah, we have two....the really nice one was in the garage for the longest...The Man's domain
39. How many TVs do you have?
The kids share on (hello discipline tool), we have one in our room and the living room. I really want one in the kitchen........then I'd be spoiled to the max!
40. How many house phones?
3 portables that I can never find......just leave a message, I'll call you back eventually
41. Do you have a housekeeper?
Hang on, I'm trying to catch my breath, you're funny......
42. What style do you decorate in?
Think King Ranch style meets Bonanza
43. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Solid colors.......always
44. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Every room.......so are you staking out my place?
45. In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
My babies and my purse...the rest is replaceable.......I can't help that I am in love with my sweet sweet Brighton purse, it was a gift........come to think of it, so were my babies.....thank you honey.....you give lasting gifts........
Labels: About me
The Hotness
Duchess... "I don't feel good"Me.... "I know, you have a fever, cough the other way, not in my face"
Duchess.... "I got the hotness"
Me.... "It ain't easy having the hotness"
Labels: Duchess, family smamily
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Paper Potty Hats
Have you ever noticed how some people quote movie lines?For instance, "How 'bout them sausages? Five minutes Turkish"
Some people also quote song lyrics, "With a pipe bomb just for fun"
Well in case we're not weird enough, The Man and I also quote our kids....alot
Princess was an only child for four years, so we spent alot of time together while daddy was deployed, meaning I took my kid everywhere with me.
There is something you should know about Princess, she has a thing about bathrooms. She loves bathrooms, she will never visit any establishment or house and not use the bathroom. She must see what kind of sink you have, what type of tub, where do you keep your towels.... oh and if she is told that she can't use the bathroom.... then she insists that we leave immediately because your not good people at all.
So as an only child, with a bathroom fetish, what is the only thing that could interrupt her very first outting with her daddy to see a professional baseball game........ a potty trip...... in the men's room at a stadium..... I feel sick just thinking about it......
But that faithful trip stuck him with a phrase that will never die, the paper potty hat.
See Princess knew better than to let her delicate skin touch the bare cold nasty toliet seat..... she needed a paper potty hat daddy.....
So when The Man realized that she meant it, he raised his voice to be heard over the roar of the other "patrons" in the restroom...... "You need what?"
A paper potty hat...... the little paper hat for the potty so I can sit down...... cause I'm a girl..... and somebody missed......
Labels: being the boss, family smamily, Princess In All Her Glory
Monday, October 15, 2007
Pre-PETA 101
"I don't eat Tuna"Duchess announced this with a very solemn little four year old face this weekend, as I stood making tuna sandwiches for everyone, everyone except her....
"I know, you have turkey already on the table"
She nods..........and stares...........
As I go to take a bite of my sandwich, standing at the bar..........
"Cause dolphins have to live mommy"
Yep, yum yum dolphin/tuna........I'm going to hell
Labels: Are you serious? Why yes, Duchess, family smamily
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Something smells good...
It's hard living up to the whole "mom" thing sometimes, especially when you're a working mom but occassionally at our house we do break out the fun stuff. There is nothing my girls like more than cooking, in fact they are going to both take classes in it very soon, I hope to never cook again. Moving on...... we decided to make banana cake......from scratch, heaven help us.We began by having Duchess mash the bananas. This was after I ran around to every room demanding to know who had eaten three bananas in the 15 hours since I had purchased them. Eat chocolate or candy, people, not my recipe ingredients......
Fresh out of the oven, this golden brown cake became the most germ ridden object in my house....cause we're freaks and we all walk up, smell it, then put on hand on top and announce, yep too hot to frost...... multiple times.......
Labels: family smamily, recipe
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Griswold-ing Vegas
As huge Chevy Chase fans, a common phrase in our home is "Griswold", as in we'll do it like the Griswold's, we'll not only do it, but we'll make it a complete cluster ----- well you get the idea and then we'll beat it to death before we're done. There is no simplicity in our lives, why should our anniversary trip be any different.....We stayed in the Pulp Fiction suite, it was hip, comfy and had a great view..... of the tub, kidding a great view of Vegas. The bed was amazing and we were not pleased when we got home to our bed, we're gonna have to invest in a bigger better bed......
Labels: About me, family smamily, The Man
Friday, October 05, 2007
In The Blink of An Eye
Ten years married, twelve together.... and they passed in the blink of an eye. So a short trip down memory lane seemed appropriate!See I have alot to be thankful for.... I met this guy at a gas station a long time ago, his truck was in the shop so he was driving his grandma's pink caddy, 1970's era.... and was cooler than shit in his hat and boots, his date thought so too I'm sure, till he took her home. Then there was me.
This guy was not my usual type, he was the bad boy, the one that every momma on earth preaches about and me, I was the good girl. He ran with a group of guys he'd known his entire life, they were hell raisers too, always ready for a good fight, ready for a night of partying or hunting as long as they were together. Little did I know that I would quickly become the only girl in this hunting pack. We would see the inside of many establishments, some that I would have to be carried out of, literally hanging on someones back, but I was along for the ride. The feisty five and the lightweight.
I went to a pawn shop on my first real date (cause we're country folks ya'll), duck hunting all night in the wet cold on my second date and before long I was a permanent fixture, they would even wait till I got off work before heading out. But The Man and I had quickly become inseparable. He was hot and I was loving life. Enjoy it while it lasts had become my motto .... cause cowboys ride away.
They ride away right into the Navy. He enlisted one day a year and a half into our relationship and came home to tell me about it. He left several months later, but not before picking me up from work one day, driving me to my favorite park and kicking me out of his truck. Literally fuming I stomped my way south, intent on heading home and breaking everything he'd ever given me into tiny pieces when he tackled me from behind laughing and proposed .... memorable to say the least. So we got engaged and he left. It was four weeks before I started getting letters, even though I mailed at least two a day to him. But the mail came pouring in and we began to plan this crazy thing we call our life.
We got married after bootcamp, at Christmas in a small country church wedding. It was great, my reception was family and friends and guitars playing all night long. His grandmother gave me the sluttiest piece of naughty wear I have ever owned ..... it was the best. We honeymooned in the middle of nowhere snowed in with food and no tv. It was great.
The Navy had it's hold on us by this point and thank you God for that. We traveled, we moved and we existed by leaning on each other. That made us so strong, as I look back I see how so many families rely heavily on their families and we never had that option, we had each other as both of our tight knit families were so far from us.
The Man and I learned to be a unit. We were still hot too!
We then became parents a year later at Christmas. (Christmas is a busy time for us, are you getting that?) Princess came into this world with blonde shiney hair, a big ole voice and endless energy, nothing has changed. We loved the "being young parents" thing. We played with her like there was no tomorrow. The Man then began sharing the things that meant so much to us, we danced with her, we sang with her, we did outdoorsy things with her, we were a family.
Then four years later, at Christmas AGAIN, Duchess joined the royal ranks. A chunky monkey from the beginning, she was the "Wyatt Earp" of all babies. She rarely smiled at anyone not her parents, she hated strangers and hardly ever made a sound, just lots of serious little stares. We knew for sure she was plotting to take over the world, that plan is already in motion. Beware the little one ... life took off at warp speed ...
Yet through it all, I had my best friend and soulmate .... the one person on this earth that I can annoy the shit out of yet he still hugs me good night. Even when deployed I could count on a call or email to tuck me into bed .... even if he wasn't there to check the house when I heard a noise or to sit up all night with sick kids. He was, in a way.
So we kept moving and he kept serving. All through it, we worked, as a couple and a family. We overcame difference and we didn't kill each other, that counts alot.
For the man who takes time to do special things with our kids, like making and painting paper maeche planets, just because..... and loves me even though I can't spell and neither can my computer.......
Labels: About me, family smamily, The Man